Updated: Mar 25, 2019
We’re taking a page out of the book of one of the best female groups of the 90’s, TLC. Well, sort of. What we really want to talk about is sex after a baby. It’s a little like B.C and A.D in the since that there is a definite mark in history where everything changed.
Before you created a life, all you wanted to do was get your life. If you actually did things the right way, and waited to be married before you had sex, not only are you in rare air so to speak, but you also probably didn’t even make it to the reception before you consummated your vows. And just so we are totally transparent, we did not wait until we were married. We were “practicing” long before we became preachers. (God was and still is working on us, but I digress.) The point is, back then, being spontaneous was absolutely a full-on possibility. That’s not so much the case after you have a child.
When they’re young and can’t fend for themselves, the cries in the middle of the night or just the constant hands-on care that they need can prevent us as parents from being able to enjoy our spouses the way we once did. Then as they grow into their toddler years we are faced with the challenges of them entering into the room without knocking or wanting to sleep in the bed with us. No parent wants their child to be scarred with the memory of seeing mommy or daddy in a compromised position, so, having relations is often put on the back burner until the child is put to bed. (Even though some research shows that kids don’t retain memories before three years old for the long term.) This also leads us into another problem area because after parents have had a long day working in whatever capacity to try to feed said child, the sandman comes in through the window and steals all of the plans we had for an enjoyable night. I hate to even write it, but, it gets worse! As your child heads into their adolescent years, they begin to know what sex actually is.
It has been taught to them is school. They have seen it, or at least some form of it on television or in movies. They know the sound of it. And all of these things combine and make it harder for us to have it. Years in a virtually sex-less marriage can lead to frustration and sometimes even resentment. Sex after a baby can be a challenge, especially to new couples who are still trying to figure things out. But, the good news is that there are ways around those baby bumps. In our 4-M system, this would come under the Management portion of guiding your relationship. Managing your time and setting boundaries and limits is a great way to keep your marriage intact, even when it comes to your sex life and children. When they’re babies, getting it on with them in ear shot, or even in the same room is not a stretch by any means. Chances are, the little tike won’t even hear you if they’re sound sleepers and if they do wake up, you know there’s really nothing wrong, so you can quickly finish what you started. Then as they get a little older you can start to make better plans for your adult time. Begin by locking your door and teaching your child to always knock on closed doors. This will prevent any unexpected company and prepare the child for life with a sibling.
Trust us, everybody will be thankful for that lesson. Furthermore, you can become more creative in your planning as the child continues to grow. Schedule a sitter, send the kids for a sleepover at a cousin’s or an auntie’s house, or book a hotel room for the night. Getting some sort of a steady schedule might prove to be almost impossible, but making sacrifices for some alone time is imperative. A recent study was said to have shown that getting lucky at least once a week makes both parents 44% more likely to be happy. Here’s one endorsement for Nike that we can’t pass up; Just do it!